From December 22nd to January 23rd, we were on the road to Tucson and Baja California. We were home for a hot second, then on February 8th, we were on a plane to Quito, Ecuador for a week in the Galápagos with family.
The Galápagos are a place outside of place, outside of time. It was amazing to watch my nephew and niece (ages 10 and 9) see the world. It was amazing to have curious sea lion pups approach our shoes, to have a yellow flycatcher land on phones as we took photos, to have penguins jump in the water and swim right up to us, staring at us through our snorkel masks.
Those experiences made it a trip of a lifetime, something utterly unreplicable.
What made the trip rejuvenating was not the fact that we were doing nothing all day. On the contrary: we had schedules every day, with wake-up times and meal times planned out. This was not a lazy trip. We were not sitting on beaches with umbrellas in our frozen drinks reading People magazine. We went for walks and boat rides, we snorkeled and visited tortoise breeding centers.
What made the trip rejuvenating was the fact that we had nearly zero decisions to make each day.
Everything was planned ahead of time. There was no choice about what restaurant to go to, what to make for breakfast, whether to walk or snorkel. We knew each morning where we’d be sleeping that night. I had two options for activity outfits, three options for swimsuits, two “normal” outfits, and I’d just wear whatever was dry. There were two options for dinner, and even then it wasn’t really a decision because I’d just choose whatever fish or seafood option was presented to me by Andres at lunchtime, who’d write it down on his clipboard and give the list to the chef who’d spend his afternoon below deck cooking up gourmet meals in the tiny galley.
I had to decide if I was going to nap or read after lunch. I had to decide if I wanted a margarita or a mojito each evening when Josh and I would try to find a quiet corner for a “date.” I had to decide if I was opening the door when the kids knocked or if we’d pretend we weren’t home to grab a couple more quiet moments.
I don’t think it was until late in the trip when I realized just how much of a relief it was to not have to make a choice about something every five minutes. The mental load of all our daily decisions adds up: from what to wear to what and when to eat, it’s only when choices are removed do you realize how many of them you usually have.
I count that in both number of decisions to make, and in the number of potential options to choose from. Not only do I have to decide what and when to eat, I have virtually unlimited options. Even if there isn’t something in the fridge, I can walk a block to buy anything I need. Or I can order out from anywhere in a city with some of the best restaurants in the world. When I get to the store, there are 8 different types of baguettes—sweet, sourdough, times four brands—and 20 different combinations of greens—prepackaged, bundled, chopped, lettuce, kale, collards, dandelion, baby escarole. Do I want a pre-made sandwich or to buy the ingredients?
So many of these options have to do with whether or not I feel like doing something. I don’t feel like cooking? Good news, you don’t have to.
On Monday, I went to the store and was going to buy a box of premade lentil soup for dinner. As I walked by the produce, I remembered the stockpile of lentils at home, and instead bought a few carrots, celery, potato, spinach and made my own, which was better than the box and also gave me lunch the rest of the week.
The fact that my brain had the capacity to even remember I had a choice—that I wasn’t just fried to the point of grabbing the box of soup because I didn’t “feel like” cooking—was due to it being relieved of so many choices the week before.
Sometimes, I give myself extra choices by overthinking every possible permutation of a circumstance and how one choice might affect another.
I say extra, because they’re not needed. In fact, they can stop me in my tracks. When I stand in front of the 8 different kinds of bread, it takes me more time and brain energy to pick one, and am I really more satisfied with what I end up with than if I’d just had one or two options to pick from? The brain space it takes to think about the options you didn’t pick and maybe they were better and what if and I chose wrong—is it worth wasting on hypotheticals?
So those extra choices—whether it’s “better” to run now or at 4pm, whether it’s “better” to write first or take the dog to the beach first, whether it’s “better” to cook soup or make it myself.
Like, since when did these kind of choices become a moral dilemma worth all this brain space?
There really isn’t a right or wrong. There is just do or not do (thanks, Yoda). And sometimes the extra choices makes it hard to just do. More choices mean more opportunity for second-guessing, and then not being satisfied with the final decision.
And, as I remembered because of the trip, more choices means my poor little brain gets fried and then defaults to making decisions solely on what I feel like doing—or rather, what I don’t feel like doing—in the moment. I forget any desire to dedicate time to running, or writing, or relationships, or any number of so-called non-negotiables. I default to the path of least resistance, which is checking email or scrolling social media or ordering food. When my brain is tired, I can’t overcome this “not feeling like it” with gentle reminders about why I want to do things or what my motivation is.
So, now. How to make fewer decisions every day? One thing is to look ahead to the next day and week, and find the time for things—detach the decision to do a thing with the actual doing of the thing. And then, when the time comes to do the thing, don’t add a decision by trying to talk myself out of doing the thing. I’ve already made the choice, so I just need to execute. Obviously, there will be times where there is a legitimate reason to change plans (illness, last-minute surprise responsibilities, etc.).
There is a balance between structure and rigidity. That’s where I want to be.
I relate totally! 😘