It’s been two months since the attacks on Israel, two months of war and terror in Gaza, and I’m still of the mindset that we’re terrible at gray areas and multiple truths and thinking there’s one easy solution to any of it.
I have strong feelings, that’s for sure. But they’re certainly not straight-forward. I do not have the perspective of having ancestors surviving a holocaust, or being forcibly removed from my home. Although my ancestors came to this country long after its founding, we are white of Northern European ancestry—the colonizers, not the colonized. I have more Viking blood in my veins, and we all know how peaceable they were.
I’ll also admit that my personal rumination about all of this also spirals around my tendency—with everything, not just this—to imagine scenarios where I have to, like, defend myself. Why aren’t I posting about this or that? Why aren’t I going to protests for this side or the other? Why aren’t I expressing more outrage or being more outspoken? I lived in Israel, for goodness sake, shouldn’t I have some strong opinion?
I don’t even know, y’all. Sometimes I think I’m hiding in the nuance. I see all the pro-this and anti-that and can feel jealous of the hardliners. I think I’m conflating a strong opinion with strong convictions. And we need those hardliners, to make us think, to make noise, to shift engrained ways of thinking.
But also there’s this: when did wants, hopes, and desires become labels for us to pit us against each other? Especially when so many things can be true at the same time. Is it possible to agree with nothing and everything? Is it possible to acknowledge the impossibility of the situation and that maybe I don’t have all the answers?
So, I’ll just leave you with this list, of why my brain is circling around, unable to match my wants with any kind of label. I’m sure there will be those of you who read this and disagree or cry bullshit or whatever. Please remember, this is my current reality, and I’m of course happy to learn but know that I might not respond or engage or want to have a debate, especially if it’s not in good faith.
Anyway.
Wanting Israelis to be safe in their homes doesn’t mean I’m anti-Palestine. Wanting Palestinians to have a country they can call home doesn’t mean I’m anti-Israel. Wanting Hamas to be defeated doesn’t mean I’m pro-war. Wanting a cease-fire doesn’t mean I’m anti-Israel or a Hamas apologist or want this to keep happening. Wanting the Israeli government and IDF to consider the civilian death rate a sign of genocide doesn’t mean I think Hamas isn’t doing everything they can to drive up that death rate. Wanting the horror inflicted upon Israelis to be acknowledged doesn’t mean I’m Zionist. Wanting Israel to remain a country doesn’t mean I’m a colonialist or agree with how the country was “given” by people who didn’t own it and people were forced to leave their homes.
Thank you for putting yourself out there, Erin, when anything we express on this topic makes us vulnerable to criticism and attack. Here's what's been going through my head:
Nobody assumes that, because I'm a US citizen, I support Trump, and yet so many do support him that he may be reelected. So, why is there an assumption that Israeli citizens support Netanyahu's government? Or that Palestinians support Hamas? Moreover, how did we get to the place that:
1. If you're critical of the Israeli government, conservative Jews accuse you of being anti-semitic, and
2. Real anti-semitic attacks, both verbal and physical, are occurring at an alarming rate, directed at Jews who are no more supportive of Israeli government policies and actions than they are of Trump. (Viz the attack on Smitten IceCream, right here in SF.)